23 August 2006, Wednesday
I continue to try to figure out how my near future will be organized. Do I want to keep this RV? Does it make sense? Or should I try to sell it this coming January in Quartzite? Now that was a new thought!

It seems the first thing I must do is get a good tutorial on the electrical system here. What is it capable of? How can I meter it? Where is the breaker box? Why is the engine battery drawn so low? I have lots of questions. I will call Christopher when I am in Paonia and see if I can go up to their place when I leave here. Maybe spend a day or two just going through what I want, what it does, what I want it to do.

It is sooooo peaceful here. I woke up at 4am and was suddenly, overwhelmingly bored! I thought, ‘That’s my problem. I’m just bored.’ It is difficult to go to be at 8pm and sleep through the night. But once the sun is down there’s really not a whole lot left to do. I think I’m going to try to download some websites when I’m in town today so that I can read them when I get home. Websites about New Mexico and Arizona mostly. I need a goal, a purpose, an intent for this trip. Aimless wandering just won’t cut it for me. Shall I be visiting all the monasteries in the southwest? Shall I be practicing survival techniques? Shall I be looking for a place to live? Shall I be just shaking some dust off my boots? Shall I be writing, meditating, journaling, photographing? Shall I be visiting intentional communities? No, I’m not interested in intentional communities really, only in some idealistic sense. What about world travel? I won’t get on an airplane again.

If I take the RV without the car to Arizona, my mobility is limited. It will cost $600 for gas. A savings of $420 - maybe - over driving the car. I say maybe because I’d probably tend to drive around more in the car. The $420 I’d save would be spent on a new tent and a cover for the RV - together around $800. Not to mention that I’m going to have to pay for storage for this beast if I’m not living in it. So the question is not one of finances. It’s a bit complicated but it looks as if it’s more expensive not to take it then to take it. The thing is, I like my mobility and I don’t really want to drag my car along behind - at least not right now. I really would prefer a trip by car. How long can I live on what I have left allotted to myself for living? Maybe 4 months. Then I must begin to dip into the $10,000. Well, I don’t quite understand why but I really cannot say no to this trip this winter, frivolous and costly as it might be.

The big challenge always is finding meaning in the journey. I have often told Michelle, ‘We are the ones who bring meaning to anything. Nothing in and of itself has meaning.’ What I mean to say is that I wish to bless my travels and tell myself that it’s okay to just go and do, without worry. I guess I’m back now in this moment once again thinking that my favorite plan is to travel in car with cat into New Mexico and Arizona, returning by way of the Grand Canyon and Southern Utah in early November. Perhaps Michelle will want me to visit some intentional communities along the way. Will I find enough trails to keep me happy? I have visions of the glowing, rolling mountains of New Mexico, of hiking up mountainsides lit by the yellow September sun.