12 August 2006, Sunday
Rained hard last night. Stepped out the door this morning into that rich aroma that I will forever associate with this place. I had an anxious spell in the middle of the night, that ucky feeling like my breathing will stop if I don’t focus on it and consciously breathe. I do think I suffer from sleep apnea. The grandkids often comment on my snoring. Their descriptions indicate to me that I’m actually choking and gasping for air. Sarina nudged me awake the other night and said, ‘You sound like you’re drowning.’ Last night it felt like extremely low blood pressure. When one is not breathing deeply or well, I know it creates that sensation of anxiety.

I did meditate last night and this morning. I will continue to keep that discipline. I need it so much.

I went for a walk up the trail this morning. All is wet and shining and sweet. However, I was wearing jeans and it was apparent that I would not be able to walk far before my jeans would be soaked. So, I turned around and returned to the place where some logs have collected along the stream bank. There I sat and enjoyed my morning coffee and the beauty of early morning sun on a mountain stream. Looking downstream it was all white and sparkling, almost blinding.

I think that tomorrow I will take off in the afternoon and head in the direction of Paonia, with a stop somewhere along the way for a good hike. Then perhaps I’ll camp out over at Valerie’s farm and work on the farm in the morning. Ack, I must dig out my camping gear from where ever it is. I’m starting to need different things from my storage unit and dread going in there and moving things around. I wonder if there’s anyone available who could help me with that. Perhaps Nancy?