13 October, 2006
Friday Morning
I awoke early this morning, as is my wont, and rather than risk setting off a land mine in 14-year-old Mel's room - which I must pass through to get to the bathroom - I decided to drive down to the local quick store for coffee. No wireless available there, so I decide to go for an early morning drive. It's nostalgic. I drive toward Crawford, then turn and head up the backroad to Paonia. All looks different, unearthly and unfamiliar, in the dark. Small hillocks, trees, fences, houses, all loom out at me as I pass. My headlights shine off into nothingness when passing through the adobes. It's a good drive: quiet, dark, no one else on the road. A time to reflect and even take the morning drive as a metaphor for my life right now. For it does seem that, even though the terrain is well known, I feel as if I am heading through a strange and unfamiliar land. My usual doors are closing to me, either by external circumstance or internal resistance. I don't know what draws me to head toward southeast Arizona. I suspect it's the monastery at St David's, but I don't know.So, in my state of openness to the prospect of travel, I ran across an acquaintance who practically spoke my mind. She also wants to head to se Arizona, doesn't know why, finds other paths blocked. And I of course have really been asking for a traveling companion of some sort. Meeting her and learning about a group known as Loners on Wheels have been a great impetus for me to go ahead and follow my passion, or my gut or my heart. I needed that kind of support.I'm also investigating the possibility of a trip to Central America this winter. I'd rather do it sooner than later, and the two spans of time that are available to me are Feb-May and Sep-Dec. I'd just as soon go in Feb/Mar.Nevertheless, in this moment. . . . I'm sitting in the Coal Train Coffeehouse. Sweet little place in Hotchkiss. My internet connection is not free. Each time I come in here I spend $3-$5 on coffee and pastries. I try to hold off on the pastries. Generally I like to use the libraries around here. They truly are free.My RV is finally out of the mud and at the mechanic's. I must go to Grand Junction one of these days soon, perhaps today, to get the parts for the door window and find out about tow bars. Nancy is so sweet to make space for me but she does have a crowded situation and a full plate with a teenager and an injured friend staying in her cottage. Jan and Rich have offered their place to me for a week while they are on vacation. That would be great, just perfect. I'd have space to spread out, repack, use the phone, all those things that are so difficult to do when there are people around.

12 October 2006
Heading in a New Direction
It seems a blog is the way to go for just keeping up with my whereabouts and plans. I can journal when off-line then just transfer my journal to the blog. I must learn to transfer my thinking so that I know I'm actually writing for others to read, not just for myself as I do in my journal. Which means I suppose that it should be more interesting.All paths are being blocked to me except, it appears, the one that leads to southeast Arizona. Yesterday I ran across an acquaintance and she and I shared notes about heading in that direction. Interesting. One of my deepest fears is going along. At least if I have a rider and I know someone there when I get there, I'll feel lots better.I do have as my ultimate destination the monastery at St. David's. I'd like to stay there for the month of December then return to Colorado before Christmas. What if one of these volunteer opportunities was available in January or February? That would be wonderful. I'll be doing lots of reading and research about the various opportunities. The most interesting one so far is one recommended by Reda, Volunteer Peten. My Spanish is non-existent and I doubt that I can learn much, though I'd certainly do what I could between now and then to learn a few words, and I'd take the Spanish class there too.Keeping up with communications is a huge challenge. Knowing that I can journal then blog it when I get to internet access feels like a great relief to me.My Challenges:1) Loneliness2) Communications3) Money (Work)4) Meaningful Work